The Key to Happiness

Yesterday I was skipping down the streets of Manhattan and thought to myself “I am fulfilled”. “Everything is going my way and I am happy.” However, as I started going down the list of things that were making me whole, I came across something that could unravel me. I thought “Wow. I guess I was wrong. There is something to be sad about”. In that moment I simply stopped myself from falling into that dark place. I looked up at the cloudless blue sky above me and said “I will make a conscious decision to be okay with that right now. I don’t want to be sad, and I don’t want to worry about something I have no control over”

In that moment, I realized that there is NOTHING in this world that can make me feel that way. In fact, there is no person, place, or thing that has the power to make me feel any way at all. No one beholds that power but me. Our quality of life is measured in our reactions to the world, and we NEED to remember that we have a choice. We choose to let people affect us. We choose to allow something to bring us down. Some people will disagree and say “You are wrong, I can’t help how I feel”. We have all been guilty of saying this, but it is only when we stop blaming others, that we take control of our life. We all have this capability. Just like we have the capability to stop our fists from smashing into someone’s face, we also have the capability to stop negative feelings from swallowing all of our light. Don’t get me wrong, these feelings will come, and we need to acknowledge them. But it is only when we let go of the angst that chokes us, that we will be able to breathe again. We need to recognize that -as human beings- we can not only inhibit a physical reaction, but a mental one as well. It is not an easy task but we need to all remember that life is precious.

Please ask yourself this. What if we choose to spend today crying about tomorrow, and tomorrow never comes?

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Don’t Hate the Player, Hate the Game

What I am about to say is universal, but I feel obligated to address this to the Ladies. Lets face it, girls can play this game even better than guys can! I really can not stress enough that it does NOT matter how pretty or ugly you think you are. If you act like a Survivor contestant with the last piece of meat, you’re going to starve. You’re going to be left with a salivating tongue, and a dry vagina. You need to use the brain that God gave you! Here are five vital tips to get you in the game!

1. Confidence is KEY.
I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but it is Rule #1. If you don’t know what you are worth, then no on else should be expected to calculate that for you. We see it all the time, people less attractive than us walk out of the club to go get some play while we go get pizza. If you act like you deserve a King, you’ll have all the princes in the land dueling for a shot at you. ( And if you don’t believe me, how many men had you falling all over yourself that weren’t even hott??? )

2. Don’t be afraid to make the first move, but then let yourself be pursued.
I am a poet and I didn’t even know it. Hah, JK. I did. Anyway, us gals are always receiving compliments. Men -on the other hand- are not. With that, I came up with a little experiment in college. I tried reversing the roles. The results were mindblowing- and NO I did not go out and buy a strap-on people! Just Go up to a guy you think is cute and simply tell him (with extreme confidence of course) that he is absolutely gorgeous/ beautiful. I dare you! Just see their reaction. They eat it right up. ( Side note- do it to bartenders and see if you don’t get a free drink or 7 ). There is nothing wrong with letting a guy know you think he is fine. HOWEVER, you need to know when to draw the line. This is like fishing; the fish needs to see the bait, but scare the fish away and BOOM! You just lost your dinner and you may die of starvation. The second part of this tip is explained in the next one!

3. EVERYONE wants a challenge. (Let yourself be pursued)
I don’t care if you are head over heels in love with someone, DON’T YOU DARE LET HIM KNOW. The more beautiful he is the harder you need to make it for him. He will be very intrigued by you and will need to prove to himself that he can have you. By the time he gets you, hopefully he will have already fallen madly in love with you! You never know. Maybe after you have him, you realize he was soo much better in your daydreams. Ladies this is more common than you think. If he doesn’t bite the bate, I am on to my next point.

4. KNOW WHEN TO LET IT GO.
We are all guilty of saying things like, “Oh maybe he is sleeping” or “His Grandma died”. Look, I don’t care what bull shit excuse he feeds you! Men are more simple than us. If he wants you, you will know. And if he doesn’t, NEXT. At this stage in the game, he is no longer worthy of you. Plus, most of the time when you move on and start ignoring him, is exactly when he wants you the most. It’s dumb, but what can I say human’s don’t know what the fuck they want until it’s cooking Valentine’s day dinner for another man!

5. (MOST IMPORTANTLY) You do NOT need to share everything.
Do not tell him that you just broke up with your ex, Do not tell him you were bulimic, AND NEVER tell him how many guys you slept with! If he is cocky enough to ask these personal questions right off the bat, then you definitely don’t tell him! This is a good sign, but make him earn it. Say something that will shut him right up like “Oh I didn’t think we were at that stage yet” or “What is this, a slumber party ?!” Girls say stupid nonsense like “I just want to be honest” Why?! At this point will you even know if he is? It is totally okay if he falls in love with you. Let him. The more aloof you are, the more he will be dying to know!

Remember, everyone wants in on a secret. ; )

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Filed under Humor, Self Help

SURPRISE SLAPS

I love to surprise people. In fact, I love surprises so much, that I insist on surprising myself! I have gotten to the point that every time I drink, I do something that I did not plan! In fact, some of the things are so unplanned I don’t even remember them! There is a strong possibility I am subconsciously choosing to block these surprises out, but my friends never fail to bring it up in a group chat. (Side note, don’t ever start a group chat, and if you have, GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN )

Recently, I have been waking up Sunday mornings to cloudy memories of slapping guys in the face. Not always sure what my reasoning is at the time of infiltration, but I am pretty sure it has something to do with seeing their reaction. The way you take a slap really says a lot about a person. I have encountered many guys that like it, and you may be pleasantly surprised at who secretly will! However, I have also encountered the guy who does not like it and decides to give you one back. Granted, that is part of the risk, but personally I don’t prefer these guys. When we are alone, sure. I love me some slaps in the bedroom, but in a bar, you are just trying to make up for something you feel you just lost. And in reality, you probably have really low self esteem. Either that, or I have reminded you of your abusive mother, and for that, I am eternally sorry!!

With that, I challenge you to ask yourself, what kind of a person are you? Are you the guy who would be like, “WTF did I do to you?!” and you go cry in the corner? Or, are you the guy that would be like “Damn girl do it again!”? Please note, I DID NOT plan this game and I don’t recommend trying this at home. I mean dude, you’re a total freak for letting a random girl do that to you in a bar, but hay, you’re probably a freak in the sheets and there is no shame in THAT game.

Please feel free to do two things. 1- Slap your boyfriend/girlfriend in the face during sex and tell me how it went. 2- Think of other experiments you would like to see me try! Throw in a double doggie dare and I may feel like I have no other choice! ❤ Savannah

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Filed under Humor